The MobStars lost to the Machete Betties, 14-193. (Or something close to that.)

Thanks as always to cjacks for the bumper music.

SouthSideRollerDerby_0271

Originally uploaded by SouthSideGirls

Two skaters who both used skate with at Battleground Roller Derby.

Battle TeachHer from the MobStars team from South Side Roller Derby, and Scarlett o’Hurtya of the Machete Betties from Houston Roller Derby skating in the Ring of Fire bout, August 10 2008.

76 Psych Ward Sirens
77 Machete Betties

Thank again for the cjacks for the backing music.

The Betties and Sirens opened up the game by scoring seven points each in the first jam. But after another seven point jam by Chain Saw Chick, and a three point jam by Miss Lead, the Machete Betties took a 17-7 lead at the end of the fourth jam. 2007 MVP Mistilla the Killa came back with a 10 points in the fifth jam to tie it up. The game was still tied at the beginning of the ninth jam when Miss Lead scored ten more points to Carmen Geddit’s four points, and the team in Camouflage took a 35-29 lead. A five point jam by Scarlet O’Hurtya and a four point jam by Chainsaw Chick moved the halftime lead out to 44-29 in favor of the Machete Betties.

After a huge first jam of the second half by Betties all star The Prosecutor, when she scored 12 points while the Sirens were shutout, the Psych Ward Sirens began their astounding comeback to make up the 27 point difference. Mistilla the Killa, who was nursing a sore knee suffered in the Roll For a Cure tournament in May, only skated twice in the first half and scored 17 of her team’s 29 points. She jammed six times in the second half and picked up 34 more points. The Sirens’ blockers stepped up with some really tough defense and the team only allowed ten points in the next seven jams while picking up 31 points: the lead was down to 66-60.

In the next jam there was a scoring controversy. Originally Scarlet O’Hurtya was given eight points to Mistilla’s six points, when Mistilla was lead jammer. However after a long discussion between the refs, both captains, and the scorekeepers the Machete Betties points were reduced to three points for the jam. The Sirens had officially closed the gap to 69-66. In the next jam Miss Lead put pressure on Siren lead jammer Panty Raider, who cut the jam off with neither team scoring any points.

The game came down to the last two jams, with a little more than two minutes left in the game. In the 11th jam, Mistilla broke out for lead jammer, followed closely by The Prosecutor. Mistilla hit into the pack first followed by The Prosecutor. Mistilla ended the jam, with each jammer being awarded five points. With roughly 50 seconds left in the game Mistilla, jamming again on the final jam, broke out of the pack again with lead jammer status, closely followed by Miss Lead. She stayed within five feet of Mistilla who again made it through the pack. When the clock ran out she had put up five more points. But Miss Lead was officially given three points, and the official score was the final 77-76 on the scoreboard. The celebration began in earnest for the Machete Betties; they had picked up their first win of the season, and against the defending HRD champion Psych Ward Sirens.

Top scorers for the Machete Betties included The Prosecutor with 24 points, Miss Lead with 21 points, and rookie Chainsaw Chic with 14 points, with rookie Scarlet O’Hurtya chipping in 10 crucial points. Top blockers for the Betties included Major Mayhem, Becky Booty, and BushWackher.

The leading scorer for the Psych Ward Sirens was the amazing Mistilla who put up 51 points of the defending champs’ 76 points. Panty Raider added 16 points, and Carmen Geddit chipped in with eight points. All individual scoring is unofficial. Top blockers for the Sirens included Mary Choppins, Crasher and Tex Offender.

The first jam opened with the Bombshell Brigade’s Harassiz Mine moving out to two pack passes and outscoring Savage Rose 8-7 even though the Burlesque Brawler captain had gained lead jammer status. Mona Bruis’r followed up with a nine-point jam, and the team from Dallas had a 17-13 lead.

However, Savage Rose countered with a nine point jam in the fourth jam of the game, after the officials signaled a split pack, and let her pass the remaining three Brigade’s blockers to gain a 22-19 lead for the home team. Savage Rose then scoreed eight points in the sixth jam, followed by a nine point jam in the 8th jam as the Brawlers widened their lead to 44-35. The team in red chiped away at the lead and by halftime the Burlesque Brawlers were up 58-53 in a game that could go either way.

A seven point jam by Harassiz Mine open up the second period and the game was narrowed down to a 62-60 margin. But Catazon countered with a nine point jam, and Savage Rose followed up with a nine point jam in the forth jam of the second half, and the team in purple took an 83-64 advantage. With Harrasiz Mine jamming against Catazon, the most controversial jam of the bout unfolded.

Harrasiz Mine scored nine points in the jam while Catazon earned four, but during the jam in turn four, Catazon literally pulled Bombshell Brigade Captain Vanna Rockin’ down to the floor, initiating a fight. Both skaters were ejected, and the controversy was just starting. Catazon clearly pulled the blocker Vanna Rocker down from behind. While both may have been ejected for fighting, clearly Catazon was a jammer and Vanna Rockin was a blocker.

No jammer was made to serve Catazon’s ejection penalty. In fact, Savage Rose was on the track for the beginning of the next jam and she scored four points, while Harrasiz Mine scored another four points for the team from Dallas. The break for the fight was lengthy, and as might be imagined, the debate from both teams with the officials was heated. For some in the audience it appeared that Catazon could have had a substitute jammer not only serving a major penalty for pulling down Vanna Rockin’, but possibly another major for fighting. That would have been a two-minute penalty for the home team with a jammer in the penalty box. But again, a jammer was out on the track for the Burlesque Brawlers the next jam, and the Bombshell Brigade captain (the second leading team scorer during the season) was kicked out of the game, and away from her bench so she could not be involved in strategic decisions.

For the Burlesque Brawlers replacing Catazon, their second leading scorer, was not an easy situation. They still held a 14-point lead, but some of the squad from Houston was needed to cover for Catazon’s absence. Miss Treatment scored 12 of her 15 points in the second half after the ejection, helping maintain the Brawler lead. Savage Rose continued to skate an amazing game for the Brawlers. The Brawlers outscored the Brigade 21-8 in the middle three jams of the final half, and the lead was extended to 112-85. The Bombshell Brigade only cut into the lead a little, and for some reason their leading scorer did not jam in any of the last six jams of the half.

There is not much doubt who was the star of the game was for the Burlesque Brawlers. Savage Rose scored 77 points (unofficially) and jammed every other jam after Catazon was ejected. Catazon was the second leading scorer (28) for the home team. Miss Treatment added a crucial 18 points for the Burlesque Brawlers to round out the scoring. Top blockers for the Burlesque Brawlers included Brat Poison, Raven Knockahoe, and Starr Doom.

The top scorer for the Bombshell Brigade from Assassination City was Harrasiz Mine with 48 points. Rookie Mona Bruis’r followed up with 21 points for the team in red. Brandy Danger, skating in only her 2nd bout ever, chipped in 12 points for the team from Dallas. Top blockers, besides Harrasiz Mine and Mona Bruis’r, included Claire Voyant, Rehabigail and Mary Ate Ashley.

The next action for Assassination City will be on June 21st at home in Mesquite, Texas with a derby double-header. The next action for the Houston Roller Derby, after they get home from competing at East Coast Extravaganza in Philadelphia, will be against the Angel City Derby Girls on June 28th. For more information on either of these bouts visit Assassination City’s web site at www.acderby.com/cms or Houston’s web site at www.houstonrollerderby.com.

Phil Arnold,
Austin, Texas

Assassination City Roller Derby (Dallas, Texas) Bombshell Brigade
vs
Burlesque Brawlers (1-2)

Psyche Ward Sirens (1-0, 1-1)
v
Machete Betties (0-2)

(off this month – Bayou City Bosses (2-0, 2-1))

Bill Shirley discusses May’s bout with The Colonel who missed it.

73 Burlesque Brawlers
64 Machete Betties

86 Texas Rollergirls’ Honky Tonk Heartbreakers
49 Bayou City Bosses

The Machete Betties opened up the first half with authority gaining a 17-8 lead after five jams. In the sixth jam, Audiomind scored eight points while Panty Raider (as Viet Thong) was scoring four to narrow the lead down to five points. During the rest of the half, both teams would play strong defense, and the Machete Betties would go into halftime with a 30-26 half. It looked like the short-handed Betties might be able to pull off a surprising victory.

The Brawlers came out in the second half with a 4-point jam by Audiomind, followed by a 3-point jam by Savage Rose to take their first lead of the game. In the third jam, The Prosecutor countered with a 7-point jam to take the lead back for the Betties 37-33. The machete wielders held the lead until Burlesque Brawler Captain Savage Rose scored eight points, while Panty Raider was scoring two points in the seventh jam of the second half.

Then starting in the ninth jam, the Brawlers earned four lead jammers in a row and outscore the Betties 13-2. It was the key run of the game, with the team in purple holding a 14-point lead going into the last jam with just a little under two minutes left in the bout. The Prosecutor skated out to the jammer line, and broke out of the pack, scoring a grand slam for five points, but the clock ran out on her as the Burlesque Brawlers claimed their first regular season victory of 2008.

Audiomind lead the Brawlers scoring with 33 points. Savage Rose scored 31 points, 26 in the second half, and Catazon added nine crucial points. Top blockers for the team in purple were Raven Knockahoe, Sinister Sista, and Creeping Beauty.

The Machete Betties were led in scoring by The Prosecutor with 32 points. Miss Lead added 14 points, and Panty Raider chipped in with 10 points for the Betties. Top blockers for the team in camouflage included Major Mayhem, Becky Booty, and All Beef Patty (aka Mary Choppins of the bye-week Psych Ward Sirens).

Then the team from Austin went on the game’s most decisive run, gaining lead jammer status nine out of the last ten jams and outscoring the Bosses 30-3 at the end of the half.

The Bayou City Bosses would turned momentum of the game around in the second half, gaining lead jammer status ten times to the Honky Tonk Heartbreakers’ five lead jams. Even so, a big ten-point jam by Belle Starr with the Bosses’ jammer in the penalty box would seal the deal in the twelfth jam of the final period. It was her only time jamming for the night, and the biggest scoring jam of the bout for both teams, and it was in front of Belle Starr’s hometown crowd.

Bosses Captain Death By Chocolate made perhaps the most amazing individual play of the night. Late in the game, DBC was jamming and working her way through the pack when she came up against Heartbreaker pivot Friction VixXxen, who is also from Houston originally. Down the back stretch of the track they went, with DBC needing to get by the pivot to break out of the pack. DBC literally jumped from right-to-left sideways, got by her, and gained lead jammer status.

One of the Texas Rollergirls announcers said something to the effect that in five years of roller derby, that was one of the best derby moves he had seen. After the game, Friction VixXxen said, `I knew it was coming, but I just couldn’t quite get her.’ Needless to say, the crowd at Verizon roared their approval as Death By Chocolate went on to score three more points for her team.

Desi Cration had a monster game for the Heartbreakers, scoring 16 points, and the most blocks for her team according to preliminary blocking statistics from the HRD stats crew. Mary Lou Threaten also scored 16 points for the team from Austin. Other top scorers for the Honky Tonk Heartbreakers included Yellow Die with 15 points, and Olivia Shootin’ John with 13 points. Top blockers included Belle Starr, Friction VixXxen, and Agatha Friskey for the Honky Tonk Heartbreakers.

Death By Chocolate had an impressive game for the Bayou City Bosses. She got lead jammer status six out of nine times jamming, four out of five jams in the second half, and was one of her team’s top blockers, as well as scoring 16 points. Holla Pain Yo was the top Bosses scorer with 18 points. Goldie BloXX was the third leading scorer, and also one of the top blockers for her team. Other top blockers included Nawty Dread Knocks, Rosie the Ribhitter, and Chicken for the Bayou City Bosses.

The next action for Houston Roller Derby at Verizon Wireless Theater will be Sunday June 8th, when the Burlesque Brawlers will host the Bombshell Brigade of Assassination City, and the Psych Ward Sirens will skate against the Machete Betties.

Phil Arnold,
Austin, Texas

113 Bosses
76 Betties

thecolonel@colonelpod.com

(music form the cjacks and Pod Safe Media)

The first game of the night between the Bosses and the Betties started off tied 17-all in the fourth jam. But team Captain Miss Lead would score four points for the Betties while Goldie BloXX was picking up a single point in the fifth jam as the machete wielders would take their first and only lead of the game. The team in black would counter with a 9-0 jam with Holla Pain Yo jamming, and rookie Lu Animal would follow up with another 9-point jam while the Bosses defense would shut out the Betties, putting the Bosses up by 36-21. Another 7-point jam by Holla Pain Yo and 7-point and 8-point jams by Death By Chocolate would expand the Bosses lead at half time to 75-42.

The Machete Betties would come out of the half with a new attitude and would control the offense machine that had exploded in the first half. The team in green camouflage would limit the Bosses to one big jam in the half, an 8-point jam by Death By Chocolate, and keep it close only being outscored 38-34 in the second half. Largely the very physical team Betties would play the defensive minded Bosses evenly in the last period.

Both teams would have a lot of rookies in action and both teams would show flashes from their new players that indicate a promising future for the Houston Roller Derby league. But the veteran all stars mainly controlled the pack, and therefore the game. Top scorers for the Bayou City Bosses were Death By Chocolate with 49 points, Holla Pain Yo with 22 points, and both Goldie BloXX and Lu Animal scoring 19 points. Top overall blockers were Naughty Dread Knocks, Goldie BloXX and Jule B. Sorry for the Bayou City Bosses. All stats are
unofficial.

The top scorers for the Machete Betties were The Prosecutor with 30 points, with Miss Lead and Major Mayhem contributing 19 points. Top blockers were Becky Booty, Tawdry Hepburn, and Royal Tease. Top blockers are based on unofficial overall blocks statistics, which include Jammer Take Outs, Knockdowns, Effective Blocks, and Offensive Assist blocks.

The second game of the night would see the defending champions assert their claim for a third championship in a row in Houston. The game was fairly close until Mistilla the Killa would assert her 2007 league MVP form and score eight points in the fourth jam, and the Psych Ward Sirens would take a 12-5 lead that would continue to expand as the night went on. Mistilla would add on a 13-point jam, followed up by an 8-point jam before the end of the half. The Sirens would take a 71-42 lead with Mistilla having scored 38 points in the half.

In the second half, the numerous all star blockers for the Sirens would help to wear out the Burlesque Brawlers, a hustling team with a large number of second year players. The Psych Warders would score in every single jam of the second half, except for the last jam. In the meantime, the team in red and black would be throwing seven shutout jams against the Brawlers. The high point jam of the night, a 15-point jam by DeMentia, would also be the most controversial jam of the night. Brawler jammer Catazon would score 4 points during that jam, and protest that there was now way she was passed three times, yet alone her pack being passed three times for scores. She would be sent to the penalty box for arguing. Another scoring dispute would occur four jams later, and before the team in purple could get a jammer on the track, the refs would start the next jam. The Brawlers would skate with only two skaters on the track, with two blockers being in the box and the jammer on the bench. Catazon would end the jam by knocking down Siren jammer Tilley Time Bomb, and raising her arms in triumph as her team only allowed four points despite the long defensive odds in the two minute jam. It was a moral victory, but not enough to stop the Psych Ward Sirens from scoring 91 points in the second half.

Mistilla was the star of the game scoring 46 points in the second half for an unofficial 84 total points. DeMentia followed up with 43 points for the Psych Ward Sirens. Panty Raider would add 16 points for the Sirens. Leading blockers for the Psych Ward Sirens would be Crasher, Mary Choppins, and Carmen Geddit.

The top scorer for the Burlesque Brawlers would be Savage Rose with 40 unofficial points, followed by Catazon who scored 21 points even though she was skating with a broken toe, and AudioMind who chipped in with 17 points. Top blockers for the Brawlers would be Raven Knockahoe, Sinister Sista, and Starr Doom. Again, all stats are unofficial.

On a personal note, one of the leagues top pivots Tawdry Hepburn may have skated her last game. She will go on a leave of absence and will probably retire. She is not a very big skater, but her skating technique is excellent and she has really helped her teams control the pack. But as strong of a skater as she may be, she is one of the nicest people in derby. She will be missed by skaters and fans alike in roller derby.

Thanks to Mother Dirt, Joe Momma, and Son of Booty for helping to provide unofficial blocking statistics after the bout!

Phil Arnold,
Austin, Texas

Machete Betties 89
Burlesque Brawlers 92

thecolonel@colonelpod.com

Our picks that we’ll certainly catch some ribbing for:

Bill Shirley
Betties 99 – Brawlers 70
Colonel
Betties 92 – Brawlers 80
Bill Shirley
Bosses 90 – Sirens 80
Colonel
Bosses 112 – Sirens 106

thecolonel@colonelpod.com

correction: see comments

The Colonel discusses the Sirens (3-1) defeat of the Betties (1-3). Blabs for a while, then reminds you about a fundraiser luau at the West Alabama Ice House.

trailer music:
Big Robert Smith with the El Orbits & Friends – Live @ Houston’s Continental Club
Sunday, August 26, 3pm – 6pm
CD Release and Listening Party
Sig’s Lagoon, 3714 Main Street

thecolonel@colonelpod.com

thecolonel@colonelpod.com

The Bayou City Bosses (3-0) defeat the Machete Betties (1-2) in a hart fought bout, defying the previous prognostication of the Colonel’s pocket change. The Colonel tells the Betties fans to use their vocal cords.

thecolonel@colonelpod.com

137 Psych Ward Sirens (1-1)
116 Machete Betties (1-1)

whah?

The Colonel and I both attended the Machete Betties fund raiser at the West Alabama Ice House on April 21. The mud bugs were delicious, and the ancillary fund raisers were lots of fun too.
I ended up with some camo toes – toe nails painted by Miss Lead in a variety of polish colors as to keep my toes disguised.
Many people spent $1 a toss to throw water balloons at at lineup of skaters. Several skaters from other teams reveled in this activity (while emptying their wallets).

The Colonel pics the Betties to overwhelm the young Brawlers, and the Bosses to closely edge the undefeated Sirens.