130 HRD’s Burlesque Brawlers
100 ACRD’s Bombshell Brigade

The Colonel checks in from Marfa regarding the Brawler’s win against a visiting Assassination City team.

The Betties and Sirens opened up the game by scoring seven points each in the first jam. But after another seven point jam by Chain Saw Chick, and a three point jam by Miss Lead, the Machete Betties took a 17-7 lead at the end of the fourth jam. 2007 MVP Mistilla the Killa came back with a 10 points in the fifth jam to tie it up. The game was still tied at the beginning of the ninth jam when Miss Lead scored ten more points to Carmen Geddit’s four points, and the team in Camouflage took a 35-29 lead. A five point jam by Scarlet O’Hurtya and a four point jam by Chainsaw Chick moved the halftime lead out to 44-29 in favor of the Machete Betties.

After a huge first jam of the second half by Betties all star The Prosecutor, when she scored 12 points while the Sirens were shutout, the Psych Ward Sirens began their astounding comeback to make up the 27 point difference. Mistilla the Killa, who was nursing a sore knee suffered in the Roll For a Cure tournament in May, only skated twice in the first half and scored 17 of her team’s 29 points. She jammed six times in the second half and picked up 34 more points. The Sirens’ blockers stepped up with some really tough defense and the team only allowed ten points in the next seven jams while picking up 31 points: the lead was down to 66-60.

In the next jam there was a scoring controversy. Originally Scarlet O’Hurtya was given eight points to Mistilla’s six points, when Mistilla was lead jammer. However after a long discussion between the refs, both captains, and the scorekeepers the Machete Betties points were reduced to three points for the jam. The Sirens had officially closed the gap to 69-66. In the next jam Miss Lead put pressure on Siren lead jammer Panty Raider, who cut the jam off with neither team scoring any points.

The game came down to the last two jams, with a little more than two minutes left in the game. In the 11th jam, Mistilla broke out for lead jammer, followed closely by The Prosecutor. Mistilla hit into the pack first followed by The Prosecutor. Mistilla ended the jam, with each jammer being awarded five points. With roughly 50 seconds left in the game Mistilla, jamming again on the final jam, broke out of the pack again with lead jammer status, closely followed by Miss Lead. She stayed within five feet of Mistilla who again made it through the pack. When the clock ran out she had put up five more points. But Miss Lead was officially given three points, and the official score was the final 77-76 on the scoreboard. The celebration began in earnest for the Machete Betties; they had picked up their first win of the season, and against the defending HRD champion Psych Ward Sirens.

Top scorers for the Machete Betties included The Prosecutor with 24 points, Miss Lead with 21 points, and rookie Chainsaw Chic with 14 points, with rookie Scarlet O’Hurtya chipping in 10 crucial points. Top blockers for the Betties included Major Mayhem, Becky Booty, and BushWackher.

The leading scorer for the Psych Ward Sirens was the amazing Mistilla who put up 51 points of the defending champs’ 76 points. Panty Raider added 16 points, and Carmen Geddit chipped in with eight points. All individual scoring is unofficial. Top blockers for the Sirens included Mary Choppins, Crasher and Tex Offender.

The first jam opened with the Bombshell Brigade’s Harassiz Mine moving out to two pack passes and outscoring Savage Rose 8-7 even though the Burlesque Brawler captain had gained lead jammer status. Mona Bruis’r followed up with a nine-point jam, and the team from Dallas had a 17-13 lead.

However, Savage Rose countered with a nine point jam in the fourth jam of the game, after the officials signaled a split pack, and let her pass the remaining three Brigade’s blockers to gain a 22-19 lead for the home team. Savage Rose then scoreed eight points in the sixth jam, followed by a nine point jam in the 8th jam as the Brawlers widened their lead to 44-35. The team in red chiped away at the lead and by halftime the Burlesque Brawlers were up 58-53 in a game that could go either way.

A seven point jam by Harassiz Mine open up the second period and the game was narrowed down to a 62-60 margin. But Catazon countered with a nine point jam, and Savage Rose followed up with a nine point jam in the forth jam of the second half, and the team in purple took an 83-64 advantage. With Harrasiz Mine jamming against Catazon, the most controversial jam of the bout unfolded.

Harrasiz Mine scored nine points in the jam while Catazon earned four, but during the jam in turn four, Catazon literally pulled Bombshell Brigade Captain Vanna Rockin’ down to the floor, initiating a fight. Both skaters were ejected, and the controversy was just starting. Catazon clearly pulled the blocker Vanna Rocker down from behind. While both may have been ejected for fighting, clearly Catazon was a jammer and Vanna Rockin was a blocker.

No jammer was made to serve Catazon’s ejection penalty. In fact, Savage Rose was on the track for the beginning of the next jam and she scored four points, while Harrasiz Mine scored another four points for the team from Dallas. The break for the fight was lengthy, and as might be imagined, the debate from both teams with the officials was heated. For some in the audience it appeared that Catazon could have had a substitute jammer not only serving a major penalty for pulling down Vanna Rockin’, but possibly another major for fighting. That would have been a two-minute penalty for the home team with a jammer in the penalty box. But again, a jammer was out on the track for the Burlesque Brawlers the next jam, and the Bombshell Brigade captain (the second leading team scorer during the season) was kicked out of the game, and away from her bench so she could not be involved in strategic decisions.

For the Burlesque Brawlers replacing Catazon, their second leading scorer, was not an easy situation. They still held a 14-point lead, but some of the squad from Houston was needed to cover for Catazon’s absence. Miss Treatment scored 12 of her 15 points in the second half after the ejection, helping maintain the Brawler lead. Savage Rose continued to skate an amazing game for the Brawlers. The Brawlers outscored the Brigade 21-8 in the middle three jams of the final half, and the lead was extended to 112-85. The Bombshell Brigade only cut into the lead a little, and for some reason their leading scorer did not jam in any of the last six jams of the half.

There is not much doubt who was the star of the game was for the Burlesque Brawlers. Savage Rose scored 77 points (unofficially) and jammed every other jam after Catazon was ejected. Catazon was the second leading scorer (28) for the home team. Miss Treatment added a crucial 18 points for the Burlesque Brawlers to round out the scoring. Top blockers for the Burlesque Brawlers included Brat Poison, Raven Knockahoe, and Starr Doom.

The top scorer for the Bombshell Brigade from Assassination City was Harrasiz Mine with 48 points. Rookie Mona Bruis’r followed up with 21 points for the team in red. Brandy Danger, skating in only her 2nd bout ever, chipped in 12 points for the team from Dallas. Top blockers, besides Harrasiz Mine and Mona Bruis’r, included Claire Voyant, Rehabigail and Mary Ate Ashley.

The next action for Assassination City will be on June 21st at home in Mesquite, Texas with a derby double-header. The next action for the Houston Roller Derby, after they get home from competing at East Coast Extravaganza in Philadelphia, will be against the Angel City Derby Girls on June 28th. For more information on either of these bouts visit Assassination City’s web site at www.acderby.com/cms or Houston’s web site at www.houstonrollerderby.com.

Phil Arnold,
Austin, Texas

Assassination City Roller Derby (Dallas, Texas) Bombshell Brigade
vs
Burlesque Brawlers (1-2)

Psyche Ward Sirens (1-0, 1-1)
v
Machete Betties (0-2)

(off this month – Bayou City Bosses (2-0, 2-1))

There was no coverage of the final scores, since it went so late. Just coverage of the event.

Here’s the article:

Roller derby all-stars hit to win

Sept. 17, 2007, 3:10PM
By CAROLYN FEIBEL
Copyright 2007 Houston Chronicle
carolyn.feibel@chron.com

Recipe for a roller derby, Texas-style: take a rockabilly fashion sense, skate punk athleticism, and a feminist, grass-roots work ethic. Put the whole thing on old-school quad roller skates, add a dollop of nostalgia, and you have the latest incarnation of a uniquely American sport.

On Sunday, five all-women teams from Texas met up for the Governor’s Cup championship bout at Verizon Wireless Theater. Spectators cheered the local all-star team, the “HaRD KNOCKS,” as they faced off against last year’s champion, the Dallas Derby Devils.

In flat track derby, five skaters¹ from each team circle in a “pack,” trying to block and slam opponents to prevent the opposing “jammer” from scoring by passing the pack. It’s rough, fast and can send skaters skidding into the fans.

“It’s fun to watch somebody come around the corner and give someone a clean shot up into the crowd,” said Charlie Marken, 51, of Pearland.

Marken and his wife are season ticket holders for the Houston league, which is in its second season.

“We came just as a joke, kind of to see, but we got to know some of the girls,” he said.

Marken said he likes the amateur authenticity of roller derby. Pro football and baseball, with its swollen salaries and steroid scandals, have turned him off.

“These girls are just out there for the love of sport,” Marken said.

In Sunday’s first bout, the “Assassination City Special Ops” team from Dallas beat “Las Tejanas” from San Antonio, 144-57. Houston’s own HaRD KNOCKS were slated to compete later Sunday evening. An Austin team and another Dallas team also competed.

Technically a team sport, roller derby offers each skater lots of chances to flaunt her individual style through the adoption of a derby nickname and persona.

Player names such as Mary Choppins, Choko Ono, Grudge Judy, and Strawberry Deathcake indicate the strange mix of flirty aggression and cultural playfulness that defines the sport.

“You definitely want a pun, something that plays off something else, but something that also defines you as a skater,” said Stacy Williams, 35, a black player who chose the name “Death by Chocolate.”

“It’s such an aggression release,” Williams said. “You get on your skates and you hit people and people hit you and you learn you can take that.”

The “hits” are really regulated body checks, with strict rules defining which body parts can be used in a block. Tripping, pushing and fighting are strictly prohibited by a graded penalty system.

The women seem to enjoy the opportunity to be tough, while remaining unabashedly sexy.

“It’s a fresh sport and you see hot, powerful women on wheels,” said Misty “Mistilla the Killa” Moody. The 31-year-old is a lighting designer by day and the league’s trainer by night.

Some skaters came to the sport from the rockabilly or punk music scene, while others simply are athletes looking for a new extreme sport. What they all have in common, however, is a “slight insanity,” said Joy Wallis, who plays as “Tinkerhell” for the Austin league. The national derby revival began in Austin in 2001, and has grown to more than 40 all-female leagues across the country.

“You have to be willing to sacrifice your body, your life,” Wallis said. “It’s about finding that little thing you didn’t know you had inside and getting it out there.”

¹ – I always expect some odd factual errors in media coverage. This is a minor one. I’d count it as: there are 4 skaters from each team in the pack, while the 5th (the jammer) tries to lap them.

Elle McFierce and Goldie Bloxx join The Colonel and Bill Shirley in discussion about the upcoming Governor’s Cup. Five teams will be competing all day for the trophy.

thecolonel@colonelpod.com

Cached here for posterity:

Violent femmes

Women’s football and roller derby leagues give sports fans something else to cheer about

By MARK LOWRY
Star-Telegram staff writer

For a region that prides itself on athletics, there aren’t a whole lot of chances to see women’s professional team sports in North Texas. Strangely, we don’t have a Women’s United Soccer Association team or a Women’s National Basketball Association team.

What we do have, though, are a three-time championship Women’s Professional Football League team, the Dallas Diamonds, whose home season kicks off this week; and two roller derby leagues, both of which are winding down their seasons.

So now is a good time to look at the two rough-and-tumble contact sports, which star heavily padded women who aren’t afraid to break a nail — not to mention an opponent’s bones and/or spirit.

Derby does Dallas

The leagues: North Texas has two roller derby leagues. The Dallas Derby Devils, founded in 2004, play at Forum Roller World in Grand Prairie; the Assassination City Roller Derby is in its second season at a Garland rink. Both leagues are made up of several teams, with players from all over the Metroplex, and are members of the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association (visit www.wftda.com).

The teams: For this story, we focused on the Derby Devils, which claim to be the largest flat-track derby league in the South, with about 100 active skaters. This Saturday’s playoffs pit the Slaughterers against the Suicide Shifters; and the Wrecking Crew against the High Seas Hotties. At the championship game Sept. 8, the winners of those two games will face off for first and second place in the league; the two losing teams play for third and fourth place.

The game: Flat-track derby means that the action happens on a skating-rink floor, with the boundaries marked off with rope lights. Between the outer boundary of the oval track and the spectators is a 10-foot space. This is to protect the fans, as players who are knocked out of bounds sometimes crash into the audience.

Teams have five players on the track during each “jam”: one pivot (or pace-setter), three blockers and one jammer. The jammers score a point for each member of the opponent’s team she passes, without going out of bounds. The blockers, of course, try to keep the jammers from doing this.

Injuries do happen. At one July game, medics came to the track four times. In each case, the player eventually got up and walked off. Sometimes, though, players are carried off with concussions or neck or knee injuries. Donations are accepted for the “injured skater fund.”

The players: What’s great about roller derby is that teams and players go all-out creating their look. The Slaughterers, for instance, wear blood-splattered aprons, while some players add horns, devil tails or fishnet stockings to their outfits. Player nicknames get very creative, like “June Carter Crash,” “Ann R. Key” and “Pummela Slamderson.” Even better are the jersey numbers, which range from the traditional to off-kilter picks such as .44 and 2 r . Slaughterer LaShawn Sykes, for instance, goes by the name “Hard Drive” and sports the number 00100100.

Although the women knock into each other during the game, there is a lot of camaraderie between the teams. “At the end of the day, we’re drinking a beer together,” said 26-year-old Hottie “Barooski.” “That’s not to say there aren’t catfights sometimes.”

Adding to the excitement are entertaining announcers with names such as “Dawn Diamond” and “Bankshot,” and a mistress of the rink, if you will, known as “Vanna Fright.”

The crowd: Typically, more than 1,000 people attend, and it’s an odd mix of demographics. Heavy on the tattooed set, though.

Halftime: Denton-based wrestling league XCW hosts three bouts, with a ring set up in the far corner of the rink. Gotta say, after watching it close up, it looks more cheesily choreographed than the big-league wrestling stuff you see on TV.

Good to know: At the Devils events, it’s BYOB. Bring your coolers with any kind of alcohol, but not in glass containers. Concessions with food, soda and water are also available.

There are some bleachers set up on either end of the track, but it’s best if you bring your own collapsible chair. Get there early to stake out a good spot. Derby regulars know that the most crashes happen on the second and fourth turns. Some even make pyramids of their empty beer cans, hoping a derby girl will knock them down.

Dallas Derby Devils

7:30 p.m. Saturday
Forum Roller World
1900 S. Great Southwest Parkway
Grand Prairie
$12-$15
972-641-0661; www.derbydevils.com
Championship game: Sept. 8

Assassination City Roller Derby
7:20 p.m. Sunday
Texas Skatium
2020 Rowlett Road
Garland
$10-$15
972-240-6455; www.acderby.com
Championship game: Sept. 9

Diamonds in the rough

The league: The Women’s Professional Football League, founded in 1999 with two teams, now has 16 teams representing 12 states. In the league’s eight seasons, Texas teams have won the championship six times: The Houston Energy took consecutive titles in 2000-02, while our Dallas Diamonds have reigned the past three years.

Diamonds are a Houston girl’s best fiend: Not only have the Diamonds won three years running, they’ve only lost one game in three seasons. That was a September 2006 loss to Houston.

As you can imagine, Dallas and Houston are the biggest rivalry in the league, which is why the home opener against the Energy shouldn’t be missed.

The team: The Diamonds have 43 rostered players, led by head coaches Mikal Black and Todd Hughes. This year, the team moves to a new venue, Pennington Field at Texas 183 and Central Drive in Bedford.

The players: Like the women of the roller derby, the football women are mostly professionals by day who tear up the field at night. Our Diamonds cover girls include Ingrid Mitchell, 42, the 5-foot-10-inch, 265-pound defensive player nicknamed “Tiny.” During the day, Mitchell works with mentally challenged people, and says she enjoys the competition and workout the game offers. The blonde is rookie receiver Danilynn Welniak, 18, who postponed taking a scholarship to study marine biology at the University of Hawaii to play a year with the Diamonds.

The women play for many reasons. According to Diamonds general manager Shelley Burnson, one signed up a few years ago because she had several young kids and “wanted to let out some aggression.”

The game: It follows the same rules as the NFL, played on a 100-yard field, full tackle.

The crowd: Crowd sizes average about 2,500, says Burnson. Again, you can spot a cross section of types in the bleachers, although it’s largely a family event. This year, the Diamonds plan to have a bounce house and other activities for kids at certain games, and are planning a faith-based night.

And yes, we know that a lot of you guys out there are saying “women, football – yeah, right.”

When the teams are somewhat evenly matched, these games can be as exciting as those in the pro boys’ club.

“Once we get you there, you’re hooked,” Burnson says.

Good to know: You cannot bring food, beverages, coolers, glass containers or backpacks into the stadium, but concessions are available. There have been reports of tailgating before Diamonds games. Also, for the first time, the national championships will be played here this year. Can we expect another Dallas-Houston smackdown? Count on it.

Dallas Diamonds vs. Houston Energy
7 p.m. Saturday
Pennington Field
1501 Central Drive
Bedford
$7-$10
817-690-3126; www.dallasdiamondsfootball.com

Future home games
Sept 8: vs. SoCal Scorpions
Sept. 22: vs. New Mexico Burn
Oct. 6: vs. Las Vegas Showgirlz

mlowry@star-telegram.com
Mark Lowry, 817-390-7747