Phil’s Houston Roller Review
The first event of a new season is a good chance to find out how teams are shaping up in a league. If Sunday evening was any indication, then last years two top teams will be the teams to beat this year in Houston Roller Derby. The defending champion Psych Ward Sirens defeated the Burlesque Brawlers 162-80, and the runner up Bayou City Bosses beat the Machete Betties, 113-76.
The first game of the night between the Bosses and the Betties started off tied 17-all in the fourth jam. But team Captain Miss Lead would score four points for the Betties while Goldie BloXX was picking up a single point in the fifth jam as the machete wielders would take their first and only lead of the game. The team in black would counter with a 9-0 jam with Holla Pain Yo jamming, and rookie Lu Animal would follow up with another 9-point jam while the Bosses defense would shut out the Betties, putting the Bosses up by 36-21. Another 7-point jam by Holla Pain Yo and 7-point and 8-point jams by Death By Chocolate would expand the Bosses lead at half time to 75-42.
The Machete Betties would come out of the half with a new attitude and would control the offense machine that had exploded in the first half. The team in green camouflage would limit the Bosses to one big jam in the half, an 8-point jam by Death By Chocolate, and keep it close only being outscored 38-34 in the second half. Largely the very physical team Betties would play the defensive minded Bosses evenly in the last period.
Both teams would have a lot of rookies in action and both teams would show flashes from their new players that indicate a promising future for the Houston Roller Derby league. But the veteran all stars mainly controlled the pack, and therefore the game. Top scorers for the Bayou City Bosses were Death By Chocolate with 49 points, Holla Pain Yo with 22 points, and both Goldie BloXX and Lu Animal scoring 19 points. Top overall blockers were Naughty Dread Knocks, Goldie BloXX and Jule B. Sorry for the Bayou City Bosses. All stats are
unofficial.
The top scorers for the Machete Betties were The Prosecutor with 30 points, with Miss Lead and Major Mayhem contributing 19 points. Top blockers were Becky Booty, Tawdry Hepburn, and Royal Tease. Top blockers are based on unofficial overall blocks statistics, which include Jammer Take Outs, Knockdowns, Effective Blocks, and Offensive Assist blocks.
The second game of the night would see the defending champions assert their claim for a third championship in a row in Houston. The game was fairly close until Mistilla the Killa would assert her 2007 league MVP form and score eight points in the fourth jam, and the Psych Ward Sirens would take a 12-5 lead that would continue to expand as the night went on. Mistilla would add on a 13-point jam, followed up by an 8-point jam before the end of the half. The Sirens would take a 71-42 lead with Mistilla having scored 38 points in the half.
In the second half, the numerous all star blockers for the Sirens would help to wear out the Burlesque Brawlers, a hustling team with a large number of second year players. The Psych Warders would score in every single jam of the second half, except for the last jam. In the meantime, the team in red and black would be throwing seven shutout jams against the Brawlers. The high point jam of the night, a 15-point jam by DeMentia, would also be the most controversial jam of the night. Brawler jammer Catazon would score 4 points during that jam, and protest that there was now way she was passed three times, yet alone her pack being passed three times for scores. She would be sent to the penalty box for arguing. Another scoring dispute would occur four jams later, and before the team in purple could get a jammer on the track, the refs would start the next jam. The Brawlers would skate with only two skaters on the track, with two blockers being in the box and the jammer on the bench. Catazon would end the jam by knocking down Siren jammer Tilley Time Bomb, and raising her arms in triumph as her team only allowed four points despite the long defensive odds in the two minute jam. It was a moral victory, but not enough to stop the Psych Ward Sirens from scoring 91 points in the second half.
Mistilla was the star of the game scoring 46 points in the second half for an unofficial 84 total points. DeMentia followed up with 43 points for the Psych Ward Sirens. Panty Raider would add 16 points for the Sirens. Leading blockers for the Psych Ward Sirens would be Crasher, Mary Choppins, and Carmen Geddit.
The top scorer for the Burlesque Brawlers would be Savage Rose with 40 unofficial points, followed by Catazon who scored 21 points even though she was skating with a broken toe, and AudioMind who chipped in with 17 points. Top blockers for the Brawlers would be Raven Knockahoe, Sinister Sista, and Starr Doom. Again, all stats are unofficial.
On a personal note, one of the leagues top pivots Tawdry Hepburn may have skated her last game. She will go on a leave of absence and will probably retire. She is not a very big skater, but her skating technique is excellent and she has really helped her teams control the pack. But as strong of a skater as she may be, she is one of the nicest people in derby. She will be missed by skaters and fans alike in roller derby.
Thanks to Mother Dirt, Joe Momma, and Son of Booty for helping to provide unofficial blocking statistics after the bout!
Phil Arnold,
Austin, Texas